Y I Didn't Use Why


by ben ohmart



=09The 2 golden hairs were at the table opposite "doing" something, and i=

t looked like lunch, so here I was trying to be posh and remove the W H f=

rom my WHY. Finest restaurant: uptown NY. Jay had a boil on his breath - =

what do I mean? Don't ask - and I was trying to get him to cough up in th=

e direction of the Other table, the one with the huge tub awaiting dirty =

dishes, when, scratching myself between the leather interior seat and my =

person, I as I said had this intense posh attitude coming on. Jay'd said =

something stupid that he thought hadn't ever been verbalized before, and =

I started on my tongue.

=09Now the hard part of course was stopping it dead right there before it=

had even made a sound. But okay. There it wasn't. The W. Okay. And then =

I made to stop again. Fine. H. Great. It looked like it was going through=

, and I still had my friend's attention, and then I simply asked, "Y does=

it Matter if the Celtics don't have a man on third?"

=09The impression, the result was two-fold. They were looking at me. One =

did the universal I Want You sign of a flick of head hair, and their eyes=

went down from their full water glasses to me, and down to their check b=

eing smothered by a gold American Express card. Did the brunette bite her=

lip? I couldn't see, having to use both eyes on 2 people, but the first =

part was achieved. Was great. And I could tell the 2nd of that fold was t=

rue because they never even gave Jay a terrorist stare. I had their atten=

tion. And. They thought my friend had said something to their equivalent =

of diarrhea on mini-skirt night. Good.

=09Fine. They were impressed. But. They were getting up to leave.

=09"Jay. Piddles," I said for an excuse, and lucky for me the men's room =

was a room away, because I Know he would've followed my sunset red tie ha=

d he known my prize was tail.

=09And I must explain the full sight I got when I went to the coats. They=

were putting them on. I had a glance, a brief to see them all tightened =

up in the snake skins which contained them. Nothing so exotic, but one wa=

s in red, and one form in blue and I thought to myself I was going to die=

if someone were to hand me some 3D glasses.

=09But they giggled, and that was a sort of intro. So I did myself over.



=09After that was the sex. Nothing fancy, but when you go 3ses you figure=

"Look at how much money I'm saving". Still I told them it was incredible=

, and they went for smoked oysters while I took apart the KFC snack box. =

They were starting up another giggle run, and I took it apart with a plea=

about finger licking. They went for it, and I thought "This is going to =

save me a trip to the kitchen", but it was unbelievable. No spit left in =

them, and it was making me mad.

=09So I moved the chicken box for a quick get up, when I noticed the whit=

e napkin jr. resting in a pleasant plastic creation. A little spoon was a=

lso in there, but I just ripped open the plastic. I was in a hurry. You o=

nly have a good half hour for these things, and I still had to think abou=

t getting the car or leaving it where it was and jaunting it back to work=


=09Taking the square of napkin, I began to work with it, but it clearly w=

asn't into collaboration. The damn thing came apart. Several times. And t=

hen, when you didn't think it had the atoms left, splitting aGain it was =


=09My hands felt like cardboard, and the golden ones were laughing again,=

and annoying..! But I looked at them again, and it struck me that the li=

ght had changed them both into blondes again. I seemed to recall a brunet=

te. It was weird; and depended on where in proximity to them you were sta=

nding or sucking.

=09My God. They had the giggles, and when you go into pitch like that, I =

wanted my car keys. But my damn hands wouldn't go in my pockets! I tried =

digging them down and then a little further.. and there wasn't any go. Th=

ey just kept there. Right at the sides, with my fingers scrapping these s=

tupid KFC minute papers to the sides of my pockets! AAAaarrrhhnncninq!!

=09And STILL they were laughing!

=09Knees up to legs, I paced a little, and kept trying my pants until I w=

as making them come down, and it started the women (who weren't even wort=

h it) howling again. Until it subsided. Not my problems, but the aggravat=


=09The one who was always blonde said, out of breath, but with enough, "4=


=09"My God!" I shouted, instantly looking at the watch that hadn't beeped=

my arm.

=09A tinkle together of laughter, and the other tried, "No... n... o....n=

o.... $425...p..please...!"

=09I was standing there. And they were laughing at me. That's what it was=

. The honest truth, and I was thinking. But I wasn't thinking. They were =

just - there. And I was... I was trying to understand. But they wouldn't =

let me. Just kept on - and on, and on with the laughing that turned to gi=

ggling to laughing and I didn't - so there my hands were, and the first c=

lue I had was with the one who was looking brunette, screaming at me. The=

n. I wasn't thinking for a while. And then, my next thought was on the So=

und she made. The brunette. And I laid her head gently down on the pillow=


=09It was all quiet now.

=09So I went to the bathroom to try to wash some of this damn napkin stuf=

f off my hands, and still, no go.

=09The hell with iting, I just did up my fly, easily I guess because it w=

as metal, and just went to work in the first cab that stopped.

=09I was 5 minutes late, but what good is being your own CEO if you can't=

be lax with yourself then and now, but I passed Jay at his desk, and he =

scolded me just like an employee can about the shit at dinner, and I didn=

't explain, "There were these..." and let it go. He'd laugh with me tomor=

row. Too much work now.

=09The next day. The paper on the desk. My thumb missed a page and I was =

spread with the Local section for a second. About these 2 murdered women,=

and the baffled police. Seems there were no fingerprints. And I remember=

looking at my hands to see if it'd come off yet.